Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Picture Day!

It was picture day at the elementary school today and I find myself up on my When-I-Was-Your-Age Soapbox once again.  School yearbook photos are a right of passage...a passage to humility.  For example, I know there are at least two Southwood Elementary yearbooks that show yours truly rocking a mullet.  Yep, business in the front, party in the back, woop woop! 

In preparation, I spent nearly an hour purchasing two photo 'packages' online and printing off the receipts (write a check...that's so 2009).  Why does the 'easy' way take so long? Well, let me share that with you.

Step One, select your package from the list of 18 options.  Eighteen...really?  Step Two, select from 12 different background "Looks" for each individual photo.  For example, you might want the whispy cloud background for your 8'x10', the shooting stars for your wallets, the bronze stardust background with full body shot for the 5'x7's that go to Grandma and Grandpa but puce with falling leaves for Aunts and Uncles.  In total, if you order the Family Package, which I did, you have up to 7 different backgrounds you must apply, even if it's boring old blue. 

Step Three: Add-Ons.  These are things like adding the name and year to your photo and, my personal favorite, retouching.  Now, being a hard-core believer that I won't forget the names of my children, I opt out of this.  Then as I click the "No Thanks" button for retouching, the photo of the beautiful 15-year-old in the example photo reloads and now shows this same, beautiful 15-year-old with about 30 enhanced blemishes lining her chin and cheek!  Seriously?  If this 15YO didn't have a complex, she would after being put through that nationwide!

Finally, proceed to checkout, enter credit card info, print off the receipt and click, you're half way there!  Please proceed back to Step One to begin the process for Child #2!

Look, I don't wish bad photos for my kids.  I want them to look nice and we took time to carefully preselect clothes that were grease-stain and action figure free (really just a shirt cause no one sees what pants they wear unless you choose the full-body shot option). I brushed everyone's hair before they left but they have hours before their moment in front of the camera and call me a pessimist, but I'm pretty sure it won't last.

But, school pics are different today and I get that.  I know the yearbook companies are photographing children who have had a personal paparazzi since emerging from the birth canal (insert snarky birthing picture comment here).  I'm guilty too.  If I set my iPhoto book to slideshow, it 's like watching a 1950's cartoon of an infant morphing into a kid (x's 3).   What I don't have many of are really terrible photos.  It's too easy to hit delete when it's not the perfect shot.  That's what I'm counting on with these yearbook photos.  Someday, I want the opportunity to embarrass my children as payback for all those times they played with the damn locks on the stall doors and everyone in the Target ladies room got to see me on the toilet.

I also want my kids to look back and realize that pimples, and mullets, happen to everyone!

PS-Someone help me out and post my mullet pics!  My scanner doesn't work...seriously, it doesn't.:-)