Monon Mayhem

So, since we've moved to Indiana, I've been purposely avoiding the Monon.  The Monon Trail is 16.7 miles and stretches from 10th street in downtown Indianapolis to the north side of Carmel.  It's loaded with restaurants and art exhibits and people.

My kids spent their first years walking, wagoning, triking, biking, skipping, scooting and running the 35-plus miles of paved walking trails in Maple Grove, MN.  Our neighborhood had direct access to one of the larger trail systems, complete with a brand-new footbridge over CR-81 and directly into Elm Creek Park.

These trails are great for kids and full of fantastic views, scurrying wildlife and, of course, dog poop.  They rarely cross a major road and even on weekends, they aren't very crowded. (Which is handy when your kid unexpectedly drops his pants and urinates on nature.)

The Monon trail 'culture' is radically different than the trail culture of Maple Grove.  The Monon is serious business.  It's busy at nearly all hours of the day and the runners, bikers and walkers who use it are there with a purpose.  It also crosses several major roads.  So, you can imagine the concerns I have had for my offspring who are used to treating trails like a golden path on which chaos is king.

But, last week, I decided to try it.  My friend, Raygan, lives right on the trail so I thought, what the hell, we're Hoosiers now and we should experience the Monon.  Which brings me to the other theme of this story: my less-than-stellar parenting decisions.  Raygan is the very proud owner of Charlie, a 3-year-old Springer Spaniel (he's actually a special sort of Springer who, funny enough, was born in Minnesota).

So, after much shuffling and coordinating and urinating (in advance this time), we hit the Trail.  The kids couldn't wait to walk Charlie and DQ (the Drama Queen) was up first.  Because my kids lack dog-walking experience, I suggested to Raygan that we tie the leash around her waist in case she dropped the leash. WHAT?!  Yes, I actually suggested that for Charlie's safety, we should tie a 50-pound hyperactive pooch to my 38-pound five-year-old.   From my perspective, what happened next took place in slow motion.  DQ's waist was pulled forward and her long skinny legs tried desperately to catch up but to no avail.  Within a moment she was facedown on the pavement being drug forward by a most-excited dog.  She went maybe five yards but as I felt the guilt set in, it looked more like 50.

In the moment after that, a funny thing happened on the Monon Trail:  there was silence. There were no birds singing, no rhythmic tennis shoes hitting the pavement and even my oldest, who was already 1/2-mile ahead, paused to take notice.  They were waiting, as was I.  They were waiting for the wail that only this particular five-year-old can produce.  And, she delivered.  Blood began running out of the hole in her new leggings and that's all it took.  The screaming could be heard for what I imagine to be miles.  So, there we are, two adults trying to catch a dog, call a six-year-old back from his 1/2-mile lead and wrangle two toddlers back the way we came all while I was carrying a five-year-old who is screaming repeatedly, "WHY?  WHY OH WHY did you tie me to the dog!!!!!????" (A valid question for which I did not have the answer.)  Needless to say, we left the Monon.

I am still paying for this particular bad parenting decision as she keeps banging open the scab and reliving the 'pain' with every bath.  The screaming begins as the water starts to run and I scurry around the house closing windows.  We are new to this neighborhood after all.  We avoided any reports to CPS while I was on the Monon but you can't get in your car and drive away as fast as possible when you're in your house and half your offspring are naked (that's a different division of CPS).  It's not the first time that punishment has been spread out over weeks, maybe years and I know it won't be the last.


AFTERWARD: I spoke with Raygan today and found out that Charlie and another of her friend's had a similar incident this weekend.  The latest victim was an adult who sacrificed her wrist and knee in order to shield her camera.  After our incident, we hit a park, where Charlie was let off his leash and had no less than six kids throwing sticks for him to chase.  We didn't realize that by moving our party to a more manageable location, we were in fact, creating a canine monster.  So, if you see someone being pulled along the Monon by a crazed Springer, throw a stick toward Raygan and be sure to say 'hi' to Charlie!